10 Ways to Be Yourself Again While Waiting for the Pandemic to End
Languishing During the Dog Days of Covid-19
Many people think, or act like, the Covid-19 pandemic is over, but it is not. Here we sit (or for some, lie in bed with) another variant (Omicron-5). And yet many still refuse to get vaccinated, boostered, or even wear masks indoors or in crowds. These people think they are “getting back to normal” but all they are doing is playing host to a virus that is designed to mutate and prolong the pandemic for all of us. So, for the more watchful (read, “more scared”), it all feels hopeless, like we will be in this cycle forever. And that brings on a state of malaise, languishing, let’s give it the romantic word, “ennui.” Or we might more accurately call it depression. There is also a strong sense that after these years of social disconnection and staying inside, we don’t know who we are anymore. This feeling is probably especially strong in people like me, who live alone and have spent almost all of the past 2.5 years with no one to talk to but our singular selves, no one to look at but our own faces in the mirror. And for us, the goal is not to resurrect some fantasy “normal” time, but a more deeply personal urge to find ourselves again.
And so here are 10 tips for finding yourself again during these languishing months of the virus.
1) Do something to yourself that brings back the real you. In my case, it was the decision to get a lobe lift. That’s right, a minor bit of cosmetic surgery that made it so that I can have pierced ears again. I hadn’t been able to wear earrings for the past four years because my thin, chicken skin-like lobes couldn’t even hold a stud earring upright anymore. So I frivolously paid a cosmetic doctor to slice out a bit of each lobe and sew them tighter (and the bit of scar tissue that formed turned out to be a lobe-fattening bonus). I then waited the proscribed months and then the doctor pierced my ears again. I now have small gold studs sparking on either side of my head like in the old days. And I can soon start to wear my long-held collection of fabulous earrings that have been gathering dust in my jewelry box. With this act, I became myself again — an earring person, which I had always been.
2) Do whatever with your hair but don’t do anything new or drastic. The idea is not to shock yourself to life when you look in the mirror, but to make yourself recognizable to yourself, that is with your normal pre-covid style so when you look in the mirror you can say, “Well, there I am.”
3) Stop with the projects. During these covid years I filled my life with projects — organizing my foto library and making foto books of the past 25 years; refinishing chairs in the basement; sanding and painting a bookcase; clearing out closets and bookshelves; organizing my plastic container of nuts, bolts, and wire; and oh the knitting — I think I made six hats, five sweaters, two blankets, many gloves, and four shawls, and other knitted goods I don’t even remember. There was also quilting which involved finishing a hand-pieced bed cover I hadn’t worked on in 15 years, repairing three antique quilts, and hand quilting two wall hangings. The other day I found myself looking around my apartment for a new project and thinking, “Hmmm, maybe I should paint the entire inside walls of every room?” Luckily, other languishing friends, people who recognize the push to be occupied with something these days, stopped me on that one. It’s time to back off a little from the project-oriented life which only feeds into the feeling of being a shut-in and relegate those projects back under the heading of “weekend hobby” and not “lifetime occupation.” To fill that time, read more, or go out for a very long walk (away from people).
4) Read less news about our horrid culture war. That news only makes a languishing person want to stay indoors and avoid the craziness that is wandering around on the streets. And if you were really yourself again, a person with little time to waste, would you be reading all that trash? So, read the covid numbers once a week and not four times a day and skip all the culture wars except the most blatant stuff that makes you laugh (e.g. Ivana Trump being buried at the first hole of a golf course as a tax write-off — no one should miss that one).
5) Dance around. Put on an 80’s or 90’s rock playlist, or The Stones Greatest Hits, and dance around for a good 30 minutes a day. It’s exercise and exorcism in one action. And if you grew up with that music and consider it your own, singing along will remind of you who you really are.
6) Plan some trips. You can decide later if you want to take them, but for those who used to travel often, it will remind you of your traveler self. This time, get a real guidebook (not just an internet search but a real book) and read all about the place you want to go. Maybe pick up a few novels about your destination (including local authors) and nonfiction books that highlight your destination’s history. Also, look at flights, check the various options, and even pick a tentative time to go, but don’t yet buy tickets. If you used to travel a lot and know all the pitfalls, rethink this upcoming trip and what could happen and then wrap it in covid restrictions and best practices, and plan what you might do if stuck somewhere. Planning a trip will remind you of who you are, and it will give you hope that someday soon you will be out and about in a foreign place.
7) Buy some new clothes, but in your usual style. Skip the idea of a “new look” for now and bring back your old self in clothes that spell you. I’ve worn the same few outfits every day for the past 2.5 years because no one ever sees me. Some of the garments, while street presentable, are looking decidedly worn and shabby as if I had been captive in a bunker. But this is not the time to find a new style and experiment with a “new you.” Buy what the old you liked and see yourself, the refreshed you, again in the mirror.
8) Exercise even more. I know that for those who have taken up or continued a hearty exercise routine during the pandemic as a way to stay sane, this recommendation feels like an already checked box. But the idea is to surprise your body by switching up and thereby quashing any creeping exercise ennui. I suggest adding something easy — stretching class, a yoga bout for 20 minutes and not running 3 extra miles or adding weights. I love Yoga With Adrienne on youtube because you can download a monthly calendar that has lots of variations from her vast library. I just cross out any lessons over 25 minutes and then the others. You don’t break a sweat, it’s a nice morning stretch, and it reminds me that I do have a body, I exist, and I am a person called myself. And it’s free.
9) Sit down and think about the times when you are completely yourself, the times right now when you are so engaged in something mentally or physically that you don’t notice the time passing. Do more of whatever that is. For me, it’s writing, and so I am doing more of that and as a consequence, I feel more like my old self. Reading might be your thing, or cooking, or staring into space. Just keep doing it because it’s the essential you.
10) Take out old photos or talk to your oldest friend and reminisce about your youth. In that personal history you will find yourself, I guarantee.
The work of finding your lost self can also lead to your future self, and that’s an act of hope, the best mental health step of all that reminds you who you really are.
